I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
