I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
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i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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