the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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