The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
please don't ironically join a cult
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