YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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