I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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