Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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