I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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