Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
