There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
why didn't you poke me back
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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