oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
people are starting to question the shark bite story
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Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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