i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
