I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
