Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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