we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
