he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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