we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
