I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
