i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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