My liver just broke up with me...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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