We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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