It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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