I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize