How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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