I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Bring me that man meat
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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