I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
