I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
