Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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