I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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