you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
