If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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