I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
