Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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