My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
