can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
