wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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