I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
