I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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