If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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