i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
