the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
