One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you inspire me to be a worse person
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
