Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
