My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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