is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
