Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize