I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
