I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
