Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
