I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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