All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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