1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
