I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
