I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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