whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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