I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
