who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We have started to decorate penises.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
