when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
