I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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