Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
