How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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