worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize